The Littlest Colonel
by Mickey3
Summary: A simple ritual has an unforeseen side effect on Colonel O'Neill. A series of stories about the team dealing with a three year-old Jack. Look out SG-1! Kidfic
1. A Simple Ritual

**A Simple Ritual  
By Mickey**

Status: Completed 11/18/2008

Season: Early (2 or 3)

Categories: Angst, Drama, Friendship, Kidfic, Series

Archive Permission: Ask first. I'll probably say yes.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue.

Word Count: 2754

*words* Is someone's thoughts.

Dedication: For Cheryl because she planted the idea and my muse ran with it. And because she's persistent. _Very_ persistent. lol.

Author's Notes: Although "Once Upon a Winter's Day" was written first, this story takes place before it. :::signs::: Blame Cheryl. I do. It's all her fault! :::waves::: Hi, Cheryl, thanks for the beta!

* * *

The bright light faded as quickly as it had occurred, leaving Sam and Daniel staring at their friend and commanding officer in slack jawed shock. Where a fully-grown and very cranky colonel had been just a few minutes before, a small dark-haired boy now sat. He looked dazed and confused; bright brown eyes open wide in surprise.

"Sir?"

"Jack?"

Sam and Daniel spoke at once. Hearing his name, Jack focused on Daniel.

"Who you?"

Daniel blinked, starred, and then blinked again.

Sam overcame her shock first and knelt in front of the boy. "You don't remember us, sir?"

Jack stared at her in silence. Daniel could see his confusion turning to fear. Jack tried to scoot himself away from Sam, but the now extremely baggy cloths prevented him from moving far.

"Don't know you. Want my mama."

Daniel looked across at Sam and saw his own confusion and concern mirrored in her eyes. Giving Daniel a half shrug she turned to Jack. "It's okay, kiddo. We're your friends."

"NO!" Jack screamed. "Don't know you. I want my mama! Where's my mama?" He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his small arms around his legs. Tears rolled freely down his cheeks.

It struck Daniel that this was first time he'd ever seen his friend cry. He wondered if this time really counted since Jack was no longer an Air Force colonel who'd just turned fifty a few weeks ago. He was now approximately three years old with no memory of who he used to be.

Daniel approached a frazzled looking Sam. "Let me try."

Kneeling down in front of his now very small friend, Daniel began to speak softly. "It's okay, Jack. We won't hurt you. We're your friends. Let's go home."

"You not my Daddy! Want my Daddy!" Jack too a deep breath then, "DADDY! DADDY, WHERE ARE YOU?" Jack began to cry harder as he screamed for his daddy. The harder he cried the more his chest hitched with each scream and sob.

Daniel tried frantically to calm the boy down to no avail. *He's going to make himself go into a seizure if he doesn't stop this.*

"Jack, please, calm down. Don't you remember us at all?"

Jack's crying didn't ease off in the slightest, if anything, he began to cry even harder.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Afraid his downsized friend would hurt himself if he continued, Teal'c decided to step in. He put his hand on Daniel's shoulder and motioned for him to move aside. Daniel quickly took a few steps to his left giving Teal'c full access to Jack.

"O'Neill," Teal'c barked. "You must desist with this screaming at once."

O'Neill instantly stopped crying. Without turning to his teammates, Teal'c could already sense their surprise and allowed himself a small smile.

Teal'c softened his voice and crouched down by his friend. It was a shock to see O'Neill so small, helpless and frightened when he was used to seeing him as a strong, confident leader. "I know you are frightened and confused, young O'Neill, but you must believe that we are your friends. We will not harm you, we only wish to assist you."

O'Neill stared at him, his small chest hitching every few breaths. Teal'c was beginning to doubt that he'd made any headway with his small friend when O'Neill suddenly launched himself at him and wrapped his skinny arms around his neck.

"I scared." The boy muttered into Teal'c's chest. "Want my Mommy an Daddy."

Teal'c rubbed his back gently. "I know you are. You must calm down. Crying like that will only cause you harm. Do you understand?"

Much to his relief, O'Neill finally unwrapped his arms from Teal'c's neck. While he was much smaller now, his grip had remained almost vice-like.

"Where I'm at?"

"Do not concern yourself with that. It is not important. We will figure this out, but you must remain calm. Do you understand?"

O'Neill nodded. "Yes," he whispered, balling his tiny fingers into fists and rubbing his eyes. Then, much to Teal'c's dismay, O'Neill put his face against his shoulder, blew his nose and then wiped it. With raised browns Teal'c conceded that his induction into the care of the small colonel was now complete.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Daniel was surprised at how quickly Jack settled down for Teal'c. Watching quietly, he grinned as Teal'c soothed their friend with little effort. For a moment, he wondered how Teal'c had done it. Then again, Teal'c had a son. It made sense that he'd had practice calming down a scared and confused child.

Watching them together made Daniel just a little jealous. Why did Jack react so fearfully towards Sam and himself, yet take to Teal'c so quickly? He could only guess that the deep baritone of Teal'c's voice reminded him of his father. Feeling a little ashamed, Daniel decided to let Jack get used to them at his own pace. It wouldn't be right to try and force Jack to go to him, and would likely only push him further away.

Stifling a laugh, Daniel watched in amusement as Jack rubbed his nose all over the shoulder of Teal'c's shirt, covering it with mucus. Rolling his eyes at Sam he could tell she was trying to bite back a smile as well. The scene was too cute for words. He turned his attention back to his other friends just as Teal'c stood, Jack in his arms. Jack's face was once again buried in Teal'c's shoulder. Fortunately it was the clean one this time.

"We must locate Mika and ascertain the answers as to why this has happened." Teal'c said.

"You're right, Teal'c. Why don't you and Sam see if one of the villagers has something that will fit Jack." Jack, he realized now, looked comical is his uniform. The black t-shirt hung from him like a dress. He was sure that the child's pants would have fallen off by now if Teal'c didn't have such a firm hold on him.

"Good idea, Daniel." Sam said, "We'll meet you at the town square in thirty."

Nodding in agreement, the three friends separated.

Daniel watched them leave for a minute then headed off in the opposite direction. He knew were Mika's home was and was almost certain the elderly man would be there. As he walked, Daniel thought about the events leading up to Jack's being down sized.

SG-1 had first come to P13-096 several weeks ago. They'd hit it off well with the natives almost instantly. The mission had only been scheduled to last for twenty-four hours. Mika, oldest of the elders, had been away on a hunt at that time and Serriana, who was speaking in his place, had requested they return when he was present. Jack had agreed to discuss it with General Hammond. Although the natives were fairly primitive and had no weapons or technology that could aid in the fight against the Goa'uld, they did have medicines that would be very useful on earth. They also had farming techniques Daniel hadn't seen in any culture he'd ever met or studied.

They'd all been surprised to learn that, although the native people spoke English, they'd never heard of the Goa'uld. As far as Daniel could tell, they'd never been to this planet. Encouraged by that fact and the prospect of gaining access to some very powerful medicines, Hammond had agreed to the second meeting. Upon returning, Daniel and Teal'c had taken the opportunity to speak to several of the native peoples and holy men about their culture and beliefs. He'd learned that they believed in one God, or rather, a Goddess. From what they'd told him about their Goddess and their religion, it seemed very similar to Christianity. There were few major differences. One being the ritual that had got them into their current mess.

While Daniel and Teal'c had been speaking to the villagers, Jack and Sam had spoken with Mika and the other elders. When they'd met up again several hours later, Jack hadn't looked happy and after hearing his concern, Daniel could well understand. Mika and the elders had insisted Jack participate a local ritual before they could even consider negotiating a trade agreement with the Tau'ri. The ritual seemed benign enough, but experience told them nothing was ever straightforward, so Daniel and Sam offered to join in the ritual as well. This seemed to placate Jack, bringing his roaring complaints down to a unimpressed grumble.

They had been allotted three days for their second visit. The ritual was only performed once every few months. Luckily, it was to be performed on the morning of their last day. Jack, Sam and Daniel had entered the shrine while Teal'c waited outside. Teal'c had offered to participate as well, but no weapons of any kind were permitted. They'd even had to leave their shoes outside. Jack, still not comfortable enough with their new friends to leave his team completely unarmed and unprotected, had asked Teal'c to remain outside, with his weapons, "just in case."

After a few minutes, Daniel arrived at his destination. He knocked on the door and waited for a response. Mika opened the door and waived Daniel in.

"Where are your friends? How was your visit to the shrine?" He paused, appearing suddenly aware of Daniel's frowning face. "It did not go well?"

"No," Daniel answered darkly, "it didn't." Determined not to blow up before he made any unfounded accusations, Daniel kept his emotions in check as he explained what had happened. " . . . Next thing we knew, there was a loud clapping noise and a flash of light. When the lighting returned to normal, Jack was a toddler."

Believing Mika had known this would happen; Daniel was surprised by the concern on the elder's face as he finished speaking.

"What do you mean? The ritual is supposed to help one re-experience the innocence of childhood, to calm the spirit. It is not meant to have any physical effects."

"Yeah, well, tell that to Jack." Daniel replied, skeptical of the elder's answer.

"I am not trying to deceive you, Daniel. The ritual is meant as a spiritual journey."

Still not sure he trusted the old man's response, Daniel asked, "And nothing like this has ever happened before?"

"Occasionally, a few people experience a child-like mentality for several hours afterwards, but none have ever aged physically."

Frustration growing, Daniel sighed heavily and resisted to urge to lash out physically. Just as he was about to speak again, Mika interjected.

"Wait. I do recall this happening once before. There was a man many ages ago. His name was Dak. He was a good boy, a very helpful child. After the death of his father when he was not yet even a young man, he became angry and violent. He began to lash out at everyone around him. Deeply disturbed by actions he had taken throughout his life, he wished to experience the ritual hoping it would bring him peace and allow him to regain control of his emotions. He and two other men entered the shrine. The other men left as they entered, though lighter in spirit, their age was not affected. Dak, however, came out much younger than he'd been when he had gone in. He appeared to be only seven or eight ages old. We do not know for certain why this occurred. I recall the other elders and I discussed it in great length. All we could surmise was that the great Goddess had determined that he needed to experience his childhood again in order to regain what he had lost spiritually."

"So, Jack has to relive his entire childhood? Is there anything we can do to reverse this?" Mika opened his mouth to interrupt him, but Daniel didn't give the man a chance. "Jack is a great leader amongst our people, Mika. Our planet needs him. We, his friends, need him."

Mika held up a hand and Daniel stopped. "Please, Daniel, I know you are concerned for your friend. Let me answer your questions as best I can."

Grudgingly, Daniel nodded and Mika continued.

"We know of no way to reverse the process."

Daniel's frown deepened. Mika continued on. "However, Dak did return to his rightful age after a short period of time. When he did, his mind was intact. He retained all the memories of his experience as well as regaining those of his life before the ritual. I believe the same thing has happened to your colonel. The others and I sensed much sadness and darkness in him upon your first visit to our world. It is why we insisted he participate in the ritual when you returned. I am hoping Jack will be returned to his former self as well."

"You're sure about this?"

"While I am confident that he will, I cannot give you a definite answer, Daniel. As I said, this has only happened once before. Please, do not hold this against my people. We truly did not wish any harm upon him."

He believed that Mika was sincere, but he still had more questions. "But why didn't it happen to Sam or myself? We both took part in the ritual as well."

"Your souls were not as dark, your hearts not so burdened. That may be why. Perhaps the Goddess did not believe you needed to regress to learn from the experience."

Daniel sat in quiet contemplation then asked, "Do you know how long Jack will stay a child?"

"There is no way to know. Perhaps for only a few hours, perhaps longer. Dak remained a child for many days. If I understand your measurement of time correctly, I believe it was the equivalent of two of your weeks."

*Two weeks. That's not to bad.* Daniel was sure the general wouldn't be thrilled about this development, but being able to tell him it should only last about two weeks would make it easier.

"Thank you, Mika. I assure you, this will not affect our talks. I believe you meant Jack no harm and I'm sure our leaders will as well."

Mika looked like he had something to add when a knock on the door interrupted them. Mika rose to open it, letting in Sam who was followed by Teal'c carrying a now sleeping Jack. He noticed that Jack was wearing native cloths that were his size and that Teal'c's shirt was mysteriously snot free.

Unable to suppress a smile, he pointed to his Teal'c's shoulder. "How did you get the boogers off your shirt?"

"O'Neil once told me it is wise to bring a spare uniform on missions. I took his advice. Although, I do not believe this is what he meant when he spoke of 'unforeseen complications'."

If Daniel didn't know better, he'd have sworn his usually stoic Jaffa friend had actually smiled.

x x x x x x x x x x x x

Teal'c carefully shifted his still sleeping friend to his other arm. Small as he was, O'Neill became heavy after a while. They'd had left the village approximately an hour previously and were, thankfully, only a few more minutes from the Stargate. Major Carter had offered to carry him for a while, but Teal'c had declined fearing O'Neill would awaken during the hand off and become agitated again. At least, that was the reason he'd given her. In truth, holding O'Neill had brought back pleasant memories of carrying his son, Rya'c. Caring for his son had brought him much joy. It had amazed him at first, how quickly he'd adapted to being a father. He missed holding his son and regretted, even knowing now that he'd left his family, that he and Drey'auc had not borne more children.

As they walked, he contemplated what had happened. In a way he envied his warrior brother. The chance to release at least some of his burden was a gift he would have greatly appreciated. He understood O'Neill's skepticism and held no ill feelings towards him for denying him the opportunity to participate in the ritual. He wondered how his pint-sized friend would react when he returned to his former self. Would he accept the gift he had been given for what it was? Or would he become angry with Mika and his people. Teal'c was certain his friend would understand and be thankful. Perhaps a little embarrassed, but grateful.

Finally, the Stargate came into sight. O'Neill gave no indication of waking as Daniel Jackson dialed the coordinates for Earth and the Stargate swooshed open. "Come, my friend, it is time to go home," he whispered as they walked through the 'gate.

_THE END_


	2. A Day at the Zoo

**A Day at the Zoo  
By Mickey**

Status: Completed 1/11/2009

Word Count: 2,911

Author's Notes: I had no intention on writing anymore kidfics, but Cheryl is uh . . . shall we say persistent! Many thanks to Lisa for the beta and for the title for the series!

* * *

Teal'c was surprised when he turned around and O'Neill was gone. He had gone to retrieve O'Neill from the chair he'd been placed in and take him to see Doctor Frasier as ordered. O'Neill, however, was proving to be every bit as elusive as a child as he had been as an adult.

Upon returning from P13-096, SG-1 reassured General Hammond that the toddler in Teal'c's arms was indeed O'Neill and that there was no discernible threat to the base. Ordered to de-brief, SG-1 had complied and made there way to the briefing room, toddler and all.

Teal'c had gently placed the sleeping boy, whose thumb had found its way to his mouth, in a chair then sat down. Once the debriefing had completed and General Hammond had been assured that O'Neill would be returned to his former self in a matter of weeks, he'd ordered them all to the infirmary for their post mission check-ups then had left. Chaos quickly followed.

"O'Neill!" Teal'c's voice boomed through the small briefing room, halting the downsized colonel in his tracks. And not a moment to soon, General Hammond's chair had been firmly in the little fly-boys line of vision! *Target acquired* Teal'c wove his way through the room and briskly over to his small friend, removing a permanent marker from one tiny hand and a pair of scissors from the other. Teal'c was stunned; he had turned his attention away from the child for only a moment. How O'Neill had obtained the marker and scissors, he could not say.

While the serious look on his friend's face was intimidating on the adult version of O'Neill, it appeared almost comical on the innocent features of a child. O'Neill's little hands balled into fists which he placed at his hips. Teal'c was sure that O'Neill was about to yell at him for taking the marker from him, but the boy simply said, "I Jack. Why you keep callin' me O'Neill?"

Teal'c could not think of how to explain it in a way that the young O'Neill could understand, so he simply replied, "It is what I have always called you."

The boy appeared to consider that for a moment then gave him a half shrug that reminded him of the adult O'Neill and said, "Okay."

Resisting the urge to smile, Teal'c gathered O'Neill into his arms. "Come, we must visit Doctor Frasier."

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Colonel O'Neill's face scrunched up as he thought about Janet Frasier's question. He put up two fingers at first then added two more. He seemed to reconsider and dropped one. "Free." An odd smile crossed his face as he asked, "How old you are?"

Janet laughed, but didn't answer.

She looked at Teal'c and saw a small smile form on the Jaffa's face. She looked backed to the colonel to see him looking up at her skeptically.

"You gots big needles." The boy's lower lip began to tremble slightly. "Don' like needles. They huwrt," he added as he rubbed absently at his arm.

She smiled gently and placed a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Yes, Jack," she didn't want to confuse the child by calling him sir or colonel, "I do have a lot of needles. Some of them are kind of big, so I can see how they might frighten you. Don't worry though; you don't need any shots today. I just want to give you a quick check-up. Just to make sure everything is alright, okay?"

"Why?" The pout was back. "I not sick. I want go home. When my Mama coming get me? I miss my Mama."

Janet glanced hopefully at Teal'c and saw that he had no suggestions for her. She looked over to Sam and Daniel, but found no answers there either. What did she tell him? She knew she couldn't outright lie to him. Janet thought for a minute. Knowing the colonel like she did, she decided that distraction was the best course of action. Holding up a finger, she said, "Don't move. I have something for you."

Janet smiled as the pintsized colonel threw her a look as if to say, "D'uh! Where would I go?" It reminded her very much of the adult Colonel O'Neill. Smiling, Janet made her way to her office. She'd pulled out an object she "requested" that the colonel give to her on his last visit to the infirmary before he'd been miniaturized. Slipping it into one of the large pockets of her jacket, she walked briskly back to her impatient little patient.

Grinning as she stopped in front of her young charge again, she pulled the item out of her pocket and was pleased when the boy's face lit up. He took the offered yoyo happily.

"I get down an play wiff it?"

Janet reached out and caught him just as he leaned forward, nearly falling off the exam bed. Laughing softly, she told him, "Sure, but let me finish my exam, Jack and then you can get down and play."

The toddler seemed to consider her offer carefully, scrunching his small nose up, obviously thinking hard about it before finally assenting. Nodding his head enthusiastically while eyeing his prize, the tiny colonel replied, "Okay."

Janet finished her exam quickly. Once she it was complete, she set the colonel on the floor with a pat on the head and smiled as he immediately began to play with the yoyo. She turned and addressed the rest of SG-1, assuring them that, despite the fact that he was now just a tad over three feet tall, as far as she could tell, their commanding officer and friend was in perfect health.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Teal'c was reminded of the older O'Neill as the boy looked up skeptically at the doctor. Though the downsized O'Neill seemed to have no memory of his former self, he couldn't help but wonder if the child experienced what the Tau'ri referred to as déjà vu. He watched with amusement as the world's littlest colonel eyed the doctor shrewdly, calling her on her rather large and numerous needles.

When O'Neill once again questioned the whereabouts of his mother, Teal'c's respect for the diminutive doctor grew yet again. She fielded the difficult questions with no help from SG-1. He could not refrain from the small smile that played on his lips as she handled the situation masterfully.

She set the child on the floor with his yoyo and turned her attention to Teal'c and his teammates. Not wanting a repeat of what had occurred in General Hammonds office and knowing there were much more dangerous items for O'Neill to get his small hands on in the infirmary, Teal'c kept a close eye on him as Doctor Frasier informed them that O'Neill was in perfect health.

"Must O'Neill remain here until he is back to normal?" Teal'c asked once she was finished.

"No, there's no reason to keep him in the infirmary, Teal'c. You can take him somewhere else if you like. His metabolism being what it is, I'm sure he's probably hungry by now." The doctor sighed then smiled ruefully as she added, "Besides, if he's half as mischievous as he was as an adult, he'll have all my nurses screaming for the hills and wanting to mutiny within an hour. So, as a matter of fact, I insist that you take him elsewhere." Teal'c noted that despite her seemingly harsh words, she smiled fondly at young O'Neill, who was still happily playing with his toy, as she spoke. Her chestnut eyes danced with laughter.

Once again, in the split second that he had taken his eyes off O'Neill, the boy had slipped silently away from him. His stealth skills were extremely admirable for a child his age. Teal'c couldn't help but wonder how much of the adult O'Neill's skills were learned and how much were natural. He looked around, but saw no sign of his young friend. Suddenly, he heard Daniel Jackson call the child's name.

"Jack, no!"

Teal'c looked to his right to see a grinning Major Carter standing beside Daniel Jackson, who was holding a struggling O'Neill tightly in his arms.

"Want down!" The boy hollered. "Put me down!"

Teal'c approached them as Daniel Jackson turned the struggling boy to face him, careful to avoid his kicking feet and replied, "Do you promise to behave yourself?"

O'Neill crossed his arms and glared at Daniel Jackson defiantly. "Wasn' doing noffin." The boy paused then, pouting, added, "Was jus' hafing some fun. Wasn' gonna huwrt her." Almost as an after thought, he shoved the yoyo into the pocket of the native pants he was still wearing. Not sure he wanted to know what O'Neill had been planning to do, and to whom he planned to do it, Teal'c decided not to ask.

Seeing Teal'c, O'Neill reached his arms out to him. Teal'c took him and addressed his other friends. "I will take him to the commissary for lunch while you both finish your post mission exams. If you like, I will meet with you later in the rec room."

"Sure, Teal'c," Daniel Jackson replied.

"I'd love to," Major Carter began, "but I have some work I really need to get done before I fall to far behind."

Teal'c nodded at his friends then left with O'Neill, who upon hearing mention of food, had lost the pout and was now smiling.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Teek?"

Teal'c shook his head "no" and O'Neill tried again. "Tee'uck?"

Teal'c sighed and pronounced his name yet again. It was obvious the child was getting frustrated, but refused to give up.

"T'yuck!"

O'Neill seemed sure he had gotten it correct. Teal'c did not wish to disappoint the boy, but had to correct him. "That is not the correct pronunciation, O'Neill." He then proceeded to say it correctly once again.

Young O'Neill stared up at , a look of consternation settling on his little face. After a moment he, took a deep breath and beamed, "I know! I jus' call you T!"

Teal'c heard the snicker Daniel Jackson tried to hide. Resisting the urge to sigh, he simply said, "Indeed." O'Neill looked up at him in confusion and he clarified, "You may." That made the child smile. Which, in turn, brought a small smile to his own face.

"Okay, T."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"I have acquired permission to leave this facility with you, O'Neill. Where would you like to go?" After learning about what O'Neill had nearly done to his chair upon completion of the debriefing, the incident with the yoyo in the infirmary and the Jell-O in the commissary incident, it had not been difficult to convince the to find means, _off-base_, to amuse the pint-size colonel. Two armed Marines in "street cloths", as Hammond had called them, would accompany them. They would keep their distance as to not arouse suspicion or alarm O'Neill.

Teal'c smiled as O'Neill planted his "six" on the ground while seeming to carefully weigh his options. Something's, Teal'c mused, changed while others stayed the same.

"The zoo and 'quarmimum. I like aminals. I want to see the lions and fishes." He rocked back and forth on his excitedly as he added, "and the dolphins and sharks and aldergators! Ohh, ohh," he shouted, bouncing from foot to foot, "and the monkeys and the efalants. Eldefants."

The child's face took on a comical look as he tried to pronounce the animals name correctly. He gesticulated wildly, using his arm as a "trunk". Knowing what he was trying to say, Teal'c offered, "Elephants."

"Yeah, them. They're funny lookin'."

"You must be on your best behavior," Teal'c admonished.

O'Neill smiled up at him mischievously, "I know, T."

Teal'c had seen that look on O'Neill's face before and knew it did not bode well for him.

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"O'Neill!" Teal'c barked. He was beginning to seriously doubt his decision to request permission for this trip. This was the third time in two hours that his diminutive friend had escaped him. Pulling the boy down from his position atop of the fence separating the public from the lion cage. He kept a tight hold on the struggling child.

"What?" The boy asked innocently. "I just wanna feed them. They look hungry."

"You know that is not permitted." He opened his mouth to say more when O'Neill interrupted.

"I hungry too," he said, looking up with pleading eyes.

Teal'c recognized the tactics the colonel was using very well; but he'd been on enough missions to know nothing would come of pursuing it further. "As am I," he agreed, placing the toddler on his feet while firmly grasping his tiny hand. He would not lose the boy again.

They slowly made their way over to a small stand, Jack's attention span failing to impress. "I would like two hot dogs and two Coca Cola's, please," Teal'c told the young woman behind the counter. At a tug on his pant leg, he looked down to see O'Neill peering up at him.

"I want chickens," the boy stated. "And French flies, pease."

Teal'c nodded. "I would like to adjust my order," he began as the gum-chewing girl with spiky pink hair looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Well," she asked, obviously annoyed.

Ignoring her indifference, Teal'c lifted his chin, and with dignity, amended his order. "I would like one hot dog, one order of chicken tenders, one order of French fries, and two Coca-Cola's."

"I want woot beer."

"I thought you preferred Coca Cola."

"Sometimes I do, but I want woot beer now."

The devilish look in the boy's eyes contrasted with his angelic features. Nodding and resisting the urge to call the tiny colonel out, Teal'c turned back to the counter. "I wish to exchange one Coca Cola for a root beer, please."

The girl behind the counter sighed heavily and rolled her eyes, but said nothing as she took one of the Coke's off the counter and replaced it with a root beer. Teal'c lifted the tray holding their lunch and turned towards the nearby tables. To his unending dismay, O'Neill was gone again.

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"O'Neill!" Teal'c barked for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. This time, he was already over the barrier fence and was almost to the cage enclosure for the elephants. The boy continued on even though Teal'c knew O'Neill had heard him. "You will desist this action at once," he commanded. The boy stopped and looked at him, unrepentant.

"Come here." For a moment, Teal'c was sure that O'Neill would disobey him and continue on his original course. After one last look back at the elephants, O'Neill did as he was told. He assisted O'Neill back over the fence then took the boy's hand firmly in his own. Remembering a device he had seen on a small child when he had been in town with his friends recently, Teal'c guided his wayward charge towards the nearest gift shop. O'Neill followed him into the show without protest.

"I not a dog," O'Neil said, indignantly as Teal'c took the child leash off the hook and headed towards the checkout counter.

"This would not be necessary if you would behave yourself." Teal'c looked down at his friend, kneeling to his level.

"I be good."

Teal'c recognized O'Neill's expression as one he, as an adult, had referred to as the "puppy dog look". His eyes were wide, his lower lip protruded. In no doubt that the boy would be impossible to deal with if he went through with this course of action; he decided to give his friend one more chance.

"If you leave my side one more time, we will leave immediately."

O'Neill smiled broadly. "I be good," he promised. "I stay by you all the times."

Teal'c nodded then stood. "Let us continue our exploration of this facility then."

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The rest of the day was uneventful, as O'Neill made no further attempts to escape from Teal'c. They visited all of O'Neill's favorite animals then made their way to the aquarium. Teal'c enjoyed the trip as much as his young friend. While Chulak and most of the planets he had visited had many animals of their own, even several that closely resembled Earth animals, many of the creatures on exhibit were unlike any he had ever seen before. Particularly those at the aquarium. Like O'Neill, the dolphins had been his favorite. Never before had he seen or heard of such an intelligent creature.

O'Neill shifted slightly and Teal'c adjusted his grip on the sleeping child. While he had kept his promise not to sneak off anymore, the boy had literally run to each new exhibit. His enthusiasm and energy seemed to have no limit. He was relieved when, after several hours, O'Neill began to show signs of tiring. Forty minutes afterwards, he'd begun dragging his feet. Another thirty minutes later, he'd picked the boy up. A few minutes later, he'd fallen asleep.

Teal'c allowed himself a small smile as the boy sighed contently and snuggled into his shoulder, a stuffed dolphin clutched tightly in one hand and a small plastic elephant in the other. In his own hand, Teal'c carried a bag filled with assorted other small plastic animal's and a large plastic shark that made an odd squeaking noise when squeezed.

As he carried the sleeping boy back to the car, Teal'c found himself immensely grateful that his friend and fellow warrior would be back to normal in a few weeks. He also found that he had acquired an immense respect for O'Neill's parents.

_THE END_


	3. Lessons in Life

Lessons in Life

By Mickey

Status: Completed 1/23/2009

Word Count: 4,645

Author's Notes: I know it may seem a little odd that Jack is still not completely potty trained, but for the most part, he and his actions/words are inspired by my youngest nephew. That includes the tag thing too. It's really pretty funny, and cute, to watch. He even looks for the tags in his cloths if he doesn't have a blanket or a stuffed toy handy. The little guy also loves to be sung the "bum bum" song at nap and bedtime. This takes place two days after "A Day at the Zoo". Thanks to Cheryl for betaing this part, and for the title (again!).

* * *

"Teal'c, no, I can't. I have a lot of work to do today. My lab is no place for a child, especially a three year-old Colonel O'Neill!" Sam protested, he may be small and have no memory of who he'd been, but she'd heard about, and seen some of the stuff he'd tried to pull. She didn't even want the adult O'Neill in her lab most of the time. Teal'c had also told her about their trip to the Zoo. There was _no_ way she was watching the colonel, not even for a few hours.

Looking at her watch, she added, "It's only oh-seven-thrity. Who's going to watch him until he wakes up? I can't stay in your quarters, I have work to do."

"O'Neill has been awake since oh-five-fifteen," Teal'c replied flatly. "You are the only one who can do this, Captain Carter. Daniel Jackson and I must accompany SG-11 on their mission in thirty minutes time. Sergeant Siler is on vacation for the next two weeks as of twenty-two hundred last night. Doctor Fraiser is watching him now, but SG-9 returned with injuries this morning and she cannot watch him for long. You are the only other person on this base, besides General Hammond, that he will go to voluntarily. There is no one else."

If she didn't know better, Sam would have sworn that was a pleading note she'd heard in her Jaffa friend's voice. Sighing, she relented, "Fine. Just give me a few minutes to put away any sharp items and combustibles."

"Thank you," Teal'c said, bowing slightly as he turned to leave.

Working quickly, Sam managed to get most of the most dangerous things put up beyond the colonel's reach by the time Teal'c returned. She couldn't believe how incredibly cute the pint-sized colonel was. His dirty blond hair was cut short, his brown eyes, usually bright with laughter, glistened with unshed tears. She wondered if he was simply upset that Teal'c was leaving him and feared he wouldn't return, or if it was something else.

Sam noticed that he was wearing the same outfit he'd worn the first day they'd returned, four days ago. Luckily, one of the members of SG-4, Sergeant Scott Wake, had a four year-old boy about Jack's height. Living within minutes of the base, he'd graciously offered to bring in a few changes of clothes and a winter coat for him.

Sam watched silently as Teal'c kneeled beside the colonel and placed his hands gently on the boy's shoulders. "I will return as soon as I can. You will remain with Captain Carter until I return. Please," he added with the slightest of smiles, "try to refrain from damaging anything while I am away."

The boy nodded, but said nothing.

Teal'c stood and reached into one of the larger pockets of his BDU pants, pulling out one of the small plastic animals he'd purchased at the zoo the day before. The colonel accepted it, clutching it tightly in his hand. Sam smiled as he then wrapped his arms tightly around Teal'c's legs.

"I yove you," he whispered.

In an equally low voice, Teal'c replied, "and I you, O'Neill," as he patted the child on his back. "I must go."

Sam was surprised to see the sadness in Teal'c's eyes and chided herself for it. He had a son of his own after all, it was not so far-fetched an idea to believe he would bond with the colonel so quickly, especially since the two of them had been friends before the incident.

The colonel took a step back and watched quietly as Teal'c left the room. It saddened her to see such grief on his young face. Especially on the face of her commanding officer and friend.

"Jack," she said softly as she stood beside him. "Come over here. I have some crayons and paints for you to make pictures with." She held out her hand to him and, after a slight pause, he took it. Sam guided him to her lab table. She'd cleared half of it off and set up the art supplies she'd brought from her home. It wasn't much really, just a few things she'd kept on hand for the rare times she received a visit from her brother and his family, but she hoped it would be enough to keep the colonel occupied until Teal'c returned. Silently, she prayed nothing would happen to delay his return.

The boy climbed onto the chair, but made no attempt to touch any of the supplies in front of him. Looking glum, he simply stared at his feet which where dangling in the air.

Not sure what to say, Sam chose to remain quiet. She went back to the experiment she'd been working on when Teal'c had announced that he'd needed her to baby-sit. Several minutes later, she glanced at the colonel and was surprised to see that he had yet to touch anything.

She walked the few short feet to where he sat and pulled a stool up next to him. "You're awfully quiet Jack. What's wrong?"

"Nuffing," the colonel mumbled, still staring at his feet.

"Something is wrong, you look like you're about to cry." At the indignant look on the child O'Neill's face, she quickly added, "It's okay for boys to cry. Did you know that? Even for big boys."

He looked at her skeptically and for a brief moment, she was sure he would remain silent. Finally, he whispered, "I miss my Mama."

*Oh, boy.*

Before she could say anything, the colonel spoke again in the same soft whisper, "I want my Mama." A little louder, he added, "When can I see my Mama?"

"I don't know exactly, soon though." She hoped that would pacify him, though she really doubted it.

Jack said nothing, simply sticking his thumb in his mouth, looking so much smaller than he actually was.

Although she considered him a friend and had for some time now, it still seemed weird to be calling her commanding officer by his first name. Then again, it was weird to see him three feet tall and sucking his thumb.

Sam knew she shouldn't pry, but she couldn't stop herself from asking, "Jack?" the boy looked at her and she continued, "you keep asking for your Mama, but you haven't asked for your Daddy since we talked to Doctor Janet. Why?"

There was a sadness in the child's eyes that made her instantly regret asking. She had a sinking feeling she was not going to like his answer.

"Daddy gone." Tears started too form in his bright brown eyes. Sam watched silently as he rubbed them away fiercely and waited for him to finish. "Daddy goed to heaben. His pane got shoted down and he died." Sam's heart broke as the mini-colonel sniffed and rubbed his eyes again. "I miss my Daddy." That said, the damn broke and for the first time, she saw the colonel cry. He threw himself at her, nearly knocking her off her stool, and wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. Squeezing her tightly, he sobbed into her neck.

Having no clue what to do or say, Sam simply wrapped her arms around his small frame and rocked back and forth slightly as she rubbed his back. "Shhhh," she whispered into his ear. "It's okay, honey. Everything is going to be okay." After several minutes, the crying eased to an occasional sniffle. Eventually, the child looked up at her, wiping his runny nose on his shirtsleeve.

She smiled at him, and he gave her a small smile in return. Pulling several tissues from a box she kept handy for when Daniel was around, she handed them to the colonel and said, "Blow."

The boy accepted the tissues and, after several blows, handed them back to Sam. Offering him a grimaced smile she tossed the soggy remains in the trashcan.

"I've got an idea," she said. "Why don't you draw a nice picture for Teal'c and Daniel?"

Nodding enthusiastically, the colonel slid off her lap and back onto his own stool. "Okay!"

She watched for a few minutes as he grabbed a piece of paper and a blue crayon then began to scribble. Satisfied that he was sufficiently occupied for the time being, she returned to her work.

Several minutes later, she jerked her head up as the colonel, quiet loudly, stated, "I gotta go potty!"

Sam turned to see the colonel standing on the floor beside her with his hands between his legs, knees squeezed tightly together, as he bounced slightly.

*Damn. Didn't think about that.* Sam held out her hand for Jack to grab. She led him down the hall to the bathroom. "Do you... uh need any help?"

The look on the colonel's face nearly made her giggle.

"I not a baby," he declared, "I big boy. Don't need help!" As if to prove his point, he released her hand, pushed the door open and entered the men's room on his own.

Just as Sam was beginning to worry about how long the kid had been in the restroom, the colonel came out. Sam shook her head and smiled. Apparently, he'd managed to boost himself up to the sink to wash his hands and had drenched the front of his shirt in the process. "Better?" she asked. Sam laughed at his enthusiastic headshake "yes". Taking his still damp hand into her own, they walked back to Sam's lab.

Sam placed the tiny colonel back on his stool and took a step back as he opened all the paint jars. Grabbing a fresh sheet of paper, he plied it liberally with blue paint. Satisfied he was occupied, she returned to her work.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It struck Sam suddenly, that the world's smallest colonel was entirely too quiet. Looking up, she dropped the pen and pad she had in her hands. "Jack! What are you doing?"

"Paining," the colonel replied calmly.

"I can see that, but why are you painting your shirt? I gave you paper to paint on," Sam exclaimed saying a silent prayer of thanks that the paint was water based and would wash out.

Jack threw her a look that reminded her very much of the adult colonel when he was not pleased about something. "It's _pink_. Pink is for _girls_! I a boy!"

Choking back a laugh and trying hard not to smile, she said, "That's no reason to paint it, Jack. You should have said something if you didn't like it. I could have put the Elmo one on you."

The look on the colonel's face clearly showed how much he disliked that idea. "Don't like Elmo. He stupid. 'Sides, Dan'el made me wear it yesterday." Pulling a face that made Sam sputter in attempt to cover a laugh, the pint-sized colonel added, "He _likes_ Elmo."

*Which explains why he suddenly is angry with Daniel and didn't want to sit by him during the movie last night.* After his initial refusal to go anywhere near either herself or Daniel, Jack had warmed up to them quickly once they'd returned to the base. While it was obvious that he still had no memory of who they were and what they meant to him, he seemed to pick up on the connection between himself and his team. *I'll have to keep it in mind about Daniel liking Elmo. Could come in handy later. Blackmail!*

While she couldn't see what he had against the Elmo shirt, personally she'd thought it was cute, even she had to admit it was just _wrong_ to make a boy's shirt in pink. "I'll tell you what. If you can be a big boy for me and sit here quietly, _without_ touching _anything_ other than the art stuff, I'll take you to Wal-Mart and you can pick out some clothes you like. Okay?"

The colonel seemed to consider her question carefully, finally he replied, "Okay."

An hour later, Sam had finished the project she'd been working on. Looking up, she saw the colonel was hunched over a piece of paper, coloring frantically. When he noticed her looking at him, he smiled widely.

"I make dis for you," he said proudly, holding up his picture for Sam to see.

Faking enthusiasm, she said, "This is beautiful, Jack. Thank you." Making a show of it, she taped the scribbled picture on the wall beside her.

The boy beamed at her. "You done know? We go shoppin'?"

"Yup, all done." All trips off base with Jack had already been cleared as long as at least one member of SG-1 was with him, and in the case of Teal'c, at least two armed Marines in plain clothes. She took off her lab coat and draped it on the back of a chair.

"Help me clean this mess up then we'll go to Teal'c's room and get your coat." Fifteen minutes later the mess was clean and the pair where on their way to the surface.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam was happy to see that the parking lot was not crowded as she pulled into the closet spot. Removing the colonel from the car seat, also borrowed from the sergeant, she carried him into the store. Remembering seeing other wild children running around on previous trips and knowing the colonel like she did, the first thing Sam did was get a shopping cart to put the colonel in.

"I walk," he protested.

There was no way in hell she was letting him walk. "No way, kiddo, you ride in the cart or we go back to the base and you don't get new cloths.

Relenting, the colonel nodded, "Okay."

She picked him up and put him into the kiddie seat in the front. Before buckling the seatbelt, she tickled him. Delighting in the unrestrained laughter of her miniaturized CO, she tickled him again after buckling the belt. As an adult, he very, very rarely ever laughed like that, carefree without a worry in the world.

Moving quickly, Sam guided the cart to the infant/toddler section in the back of the store. Noticing the front table with the $3.50 sign, she pushed the cart over to it. "Geranimals! Mark's kids love this brand."

"Dat one," the colonel said excitedly pointing to a shirt on the table. She reached over to pick up a shirt with a racecar on it, but stopped when Jack yelled, "No. Not dat one," he pointed again. "Dat one!"

Sam noticed the long sleeve blue shirt with a jet on it and picked it up. Bouncing around in the cart, the colonel squealed, "Yeah, dat one!"

Sam checked the size. "Perfect." Dropping it in the cart, she reached out and picked up another shirt a few stacks down. "How about this one?" she asked, holding up a long sleeve green shirt with a dinosaur on it.

"Ummmm, maybe yes. I like it." He pointed to a pale yellow one right next to it and said, "I like dat one too."

This time he pointed to a short sleeved greenish colored shirt with elephants and the word "Safari" on it. It was pretty cute. Tossing it in the cart with the others, Sam let him pick out a few more. After that, she picked out half-a-dozen pairs of jeans and two pairs of khaki's. Noticing the pajamas a few racks over, she figured she'd better get a couple pairs of those as well and let him to pick out three sets. The colonel appeared to consider each choice carefully as she held them up one by one. She laughed at the look on his face when she held up a pair of Elmo pajamas. Finally, he settled on one that had Winnie the Pooh and Tigger playing hockey, one of a little boy playing baseball that said "Slugger" and a sleeper with puppies on it.

Sam let him pick out warm a coat, then tossed in two six packs of socks. Having heard many stories about kids "disappearing" socks, she figured it was better safe than sorry. By the time they'd finished in the cloths department, the kid had enough cloths last seven or eight days without wearing the same thing twice. It was probably over kill, after all he would be returning to normal - or a least he _should_ be - in about a week and a half, but she didn't care. They were just too darn cute and besides, they could always be donated to charity when the colonel was back to normal.

Deciding they should probably return the borrowed car seat with the cloths, she went over to the infant furniture and picked out a booster seat. Then she went over to the diapers and tossed two packs of pull-ups nighttime into the cart. Going to the next isle, she added two packs of sippy cups as well. She'd only had time to eat with Teal'c and the colonel twice since their return, but both times the boy had needed to be changed after the meal, having spilled more of his drink down the front of himself then he'd actually gotten into his mouth.

"Can I get toy, pease?" the colonel, who'd been silent for the past ten minutes, asked giving her what Sam considered to be a damn good "puppy dog" look. *If he pulled that look off half as well as an adult as he is as a kid, it's no wonder Sara fell for him. What woman wouldn't?* She certainly couldn't. Besides, she rationalized, other than a few die cast planes the colonel had in his office and the art stuff, the kid didn't have anything to play with. Maybe some toys would help keep him occupied.

"Sure, kiddo, let's go over to the toy section."

"Yeah!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two hours and one full shopping cart later, Sam was finally in line to check out. Glancing at her watch and noticing that it was nearly thirteen hundred hours, she pulled out the colonel's daily schedule that Teal'c had given her earlier. Halfway down the orderly list was written, NOON - Lunch. In parenthesis was written (at all costs, avoid lima beans. Do not allow O'Neill to eat any sweets until after naptime. O'Neill will only eat Jell-O if it is blue or red). She glanced down to the next line which read: Between 1245 and 1300 - nap. Again in parenthesis, it read (DO NOT ALLOW O'NEILL TO SKIP HIS NAP). It surprised her to see that sentence in all capital letters. She'd have to ask Teal'c about that. It surprised her even more that the colonel had yet to complain that he was hungry.

As if on cue, the colonel looked at her and said, "I hungry. I want eat."

Smiling, Sam pointed straight ahead and said, "I have to pay for this stuff then we'll go to McDonalds."

"Yeah!" The mini-colonel exclaimed, clapping.

The cashier rang the order quickly and, once she'd paid what was owed, Sam wheeled the cart over to the McDonalds.

"Up, up," the colonel demanded.

"How do you ask?"

The colonel stared her blankly for a moment then amended, "Up, pease."

Obliging, Sam lifted him out of the cart.

"Want down, pease," he requested.

"No way, squirt," Sam replied. "Not until we get our food and sit down. What do you want to eat?"

Without hesitation, the boy answered, "Chickens and French flies." He paused then asked, "I have soda?"

Ruffling his hair, she said, "Sure."

"Want spite."

Sam stared at him blankly for a moment then laughed, "Oh, you mean Sprite."

"Dat what I said," the colonel replied seriously.

Realizing it would be impossible to carry the boy, a tray of food and push the cart all at once, she placed the boy back into the shopping cart. To forestall any argument, she told him, "You can get out again when we get to a table."

Sam pushed the cart up to the cashier, placing the cart parallel to the counter. She told the woman what they wanted and paid. As they waited for their food, the woman asked, "How old is he?"

"Three," Sam replied.

"He's so cute!" She waved at the colonel and said, "Hi little fella, you're a cutie pie. You shopping with Mommy today?"

*Damn!* Acting quickly and hoping the colonel wouldn't make a scene, Sam answered, "He's not my son. He's a friend's child, I'm just watching him for a while, while he's out of the country." *Not exactly a lie. Teal'c may not be his Dad, but he's his caretaker right now and he _is_ out of the country. Way out.*

"Oh, sorry," the woman said, "He just really looks like you." Then, noticing the difference in their eye color, added, "Well, except for those beautiful brown eyes."

Sam smiled. "Thanks."

She glanced at the colonel and was pleased, and relieved, to see that he'd taken the whole thing in stride. *What a little flirt!* Not only was he not upset by the mention of the word "mommy", but he was leaning over the cart and giving the woman a big, bright smile.

At that moment, their food was placed on their tray. Sam picked it up, thanked the woman again, and pushed the cart over to an empty table. The pair finished their meal quickly and, grasping the toy car that came with his meal tightly, the colonel allowed Sam to put him back in the cart.

A short ride later, they arrived back at the base. Sam was surprised to see Sergeant Wake getting out of his car a few spots over. "Scott," she called out.

"Captain Carter, how's everything going?" he asked.

"Good," she replied. "I thought SG-4 was off-world."

"We were supposed to leave at ten hundred this morning, but the M.A.L.P showed a severe thunder storm moving in fast, so General Hammond put on stand down until oh-eight-hundred Friday. Seems storms on that planet take a little while to work themselves out. So, how's Colonel O'Neil doing?"

"He's fine. I went to Wal-Mart and picked up a few things for him so you can have your stuff back. Would you mind giving me a hand bringing it all down to Teal'c's room?"

"No, not at all," the sergeant replied as he approached Sam's car.

Sam leaned into the backseat and unbuckled the colonel's seatbelt then pulled the half asleep child into her arms. Using her keyless remote, she opened her trunk.

"Hey, little man."

"Hi," the colonel mumbled around his thumb, which had made it's way to his mouth yet again.

Making her way to the trunk, she grabbed a few bags. The sergeant took the rest and grabbed his car seat out of the back seat. Together, they made their way down to Teal'c's quarters and placed everything on his bed.

"Thanks, Scott," Sam said as the sergeant placed the last bag on the bed.

"No problem. If you need anything else, just let me know."

Sam nodded and, grabbing the car seat, the sergeant took his car seat and left.

Placing the sleepy child on the small cot that had been set up for him, she whispered, "Nap time, buddy." That seemed to wake the boy up some.

"I not seepy," the little colonel fired back. "No need nap."

She considered arguing with the boy then changed her mind. Arguing with the colonel as an adult had never worked. She doubted he was any different as a child, even the first time around. Deciding on a more direct approach, she said, "Tough. You're taking a nap."

The look in the colonel's eyes made Sam wonder if he was going to give her a fight. She really hoped not. Having had no previous experience, she had absolutely _no_ idea how to handle a three year-old while he was throwing a temper tantrum. After a minute, the boy simply sat on the bed, staring at her expectantly.

"Story," the boy demanded when Sam made no immediate attempt to move. Then seemingly considering something, added, "Pease."

Almost as an afterthought, Sam had grabbed a few books while the colonel debated over which toys he _really_ wanted. Now, she was glad she had. Grabbing the bag with the books, Sam pulled them out and spread them on the bed next to the colonel. "Which one do you want me to read?"

The colonel looked at them, picking them up one by one and turning them over in his hands. Finally, after several minutes of debating, he settled on "Green Eggs and Ham" and held the book out to her.

Sam sat on the bed beside the colonel and said, "Lay down." He did as he was told and she watched, fascinated, as he turned the small fleece blanket around and around searching for something. "What are you doing?"

"Tag," was the boy's one word reply. At her questioning look he added, "Need tag."

Surprised, she helped him look for it. Turning the blanket, Sam found the corner with the tag and handed it to the boy. He smiled then fingered the tag with his left hand as he shoved his right thumb into his mouth. Shaking her head, Sam opened the book and began to read. By the time she finished the book, his tiny eyelids were drooping, but the stubborn colonel was still fighting his sleep.

"Sing bum bums," he said around his thumb.

Sam looked at him blankly. *What the hell is a bum bum?* She thought about it for a moment. After a moment, she realized what he might be talking about. "You mean "The Little Drummer Boy?"

At the boy's small nod, Sam sighed. Singing wasn't really one of her strong points. She wasn't horrible, no alley cat screeching or anything, but she wasn't that good at it either.

Removing his thumb, he sleepily said, "Mamma sings bum bums." Then replaced his thumb in his mouth.

Knowing she couldn't possibly refuse him after that, Sam began to softly sing the song. Before she finished the second verse, the child was sound a sleep. She stood quietly and watched the little colonel sleep. She saw in his small features, a peacefulness she had never seen in him as an adult. His thumb was still in his mouth, which was open slightly. He started sucking on it a few times, his little mouth working furiously, and then stopped again.

Wishing she could watch him sleep longer, but knowing she still had work to do, Sam quickly stored her purchases, placing the stuffed dog he insisted he _had_ to have next to the softly snoring child then made herself comfortable on Teal'c's bed. She opened up her laptop and began to work. As she did, she couldn't help but wonder if, were the colonel's condition permanent, if Teal'c wouldn't make a bid for keeping Jack himself and raise the child as his own. It was an interesting thought.

As she worked, she thought back to what the McDonalds cashier had said. Before today, she'd given little thought to becoming a mother. She was quite satisfied with being an Auntie. After spending the morning with the down-sized colonel and what the woman had said, it made her wonder if maybe, someday, she might like to have a child of her own. Would she make a good Mom?

Sam knew that she still had several hours to go before Teal'c and Daniel returned, but now she wasn't counting the minutes as she had been earlier. The pintsized colonel wasn't as bad as she'd heard. In fact, he was really rather cute and funny. She looked forward to spending more time with the colonel when he woke. Maybe she could teach him a few things later. Maybe, just maybe, some of it might actually stick when he reverted back to his old self again.

Maybe.

_THE END_

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	4. Lessons Learned

Lessons Learned

By Mickey

Status: Completed 10/07/2009

Word Count: 9,052

Author's Notes: This part is much longer, and took a lot longer to write then I expected, but it is finally done! Many, many thanks to Lisa and Cheryl for betaing this monster.

* * *

The first half of Sam's day with the miniaturized colonel had gone amazingly well. The second half... not so much.

The child who woke up on the cot in Teal'c's room was not the same, sweet, fairly well-mannered child she'd laid there earlier for his nap. Oh sure, he'd been good enough for a few minutes, while he was still half asleep and groggy, and for about a half an hour afterwards. Once he'd fully awakened, the day had spun rapidly out of control.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sam?"

Sam looked up to see the little colonel standing beside Teal'c's bed rubbing his eyes. She sat up right with a jolt. Realizing she'd fallen asleep, she wondered just how long she'd been out. Standing while holding her arms out, the groggy child reached out to Sam and she scooped him into her arms. Looking at her watch she sighed. It was fifteen hundred hours. The colonel had only slept for just shy of an hour.

"Did you have a nice nap?" she asked as she rubbed his back.

In a sleepy voice the colonel replied, "Uh huh," and as he leaned his head on her chest, his thumb made it's way into his mouth again while his free hand searched the waist band of his pants for the tag. After a few minutes, he lifted his head. "I wan' watch 'ardigans."

_'Ardigans? What the heck is an 'ardigan?_ Sam shifted the small boy so she was holding him in one arm, his head now on her left shoulder, and picked up the list Teal'c had left. She was positive he must have made some mention of it. Sure enough, it was there;

1430 - 1530: O'Neill awakens from his nap. After naptime, O'Neill likes to watch the Backyardigans. (There is a DVD on the stand with the Television). If you are fortunate, this will entertain him for the entire ninety-three minutes. Do not count on it.

Sam bit back a laugh. She could almost see Teal'c's eyebrow rise in surprise when he first learned about the Backyardigans. Having a young niece and nephew, she knew about many kid's shows, including this one. It was actually pretty cute. His obvious humor in the note also brought a smile to her face.

"Okay, little man," she began as she set the colonel down, "I'll put the DVD on. Why don't you go sit on your bed and watch it?"

The colonel stared up at her with pleading eyes. "T awways watches wiff me."

Sighing, Sam agreed. She could still do her work whether O'Neill was on his own bed or Teal'c's. "Sure, you can sit with me. But you have to sit still, okay? I still have work to do on my laptop."

Smiling broadly, the child replied, "Okay!"

_Where in the world did he get a kids DVD?_ she wondered then decided it must have come from Scott. Mentally, she chided herself for not thinking about picking up some DVDs earlier when they'd been at the store.

Halfway through the second episode, the colonel started getting restless. Sam muttered a silent curse as the boy bumped her arm, yet again, causing her to hit the wrong keys. The simulation she'd been running was ruined. Giving up, she shut down the program.

By the time the second episode was over, O'Neill was running around Teal'c's quarters. The term 'bouncing off the walls' came to mind. Suddenly, he stopped and looked up at her.

"I hungry!" O'Neill declared.

Looking at the note, Sam saw that it was about time for his snack. She smirked as she read the note next to it. In Teal'c's neat scrawl was written:

If you wish to give O'Neill candy, now would be the optimal time to do so. Waiting until after dinner would be unadvisable.

Seeing the small colonel still staring at her expectantly, she said, "Okay, let's go down to the commissary and get a snack."

"Want choc'lit cake!"

Some things never changed.

"Maybe for desert tonight, _if_ you eat all of your dinner. How about an apple for now?" She couldn't help but laugh as he bobbed his head enthusiastically.

"Yes, apple! And Skilles."

"Sorry, little man, we didn't get any Skittles at the store." Sam prepared herself for a temper tantrum, or at least a few tears, and was surprised when neither came.

"T does," the boy responded. Then turned and ran over to Teal'c's dresser and started bouncing from foot to foot. "Up dere, up dere!" he exclaimed, pointing to the top drawer.

With some hesitation, Sam made her way to the dresser. She was a little uncomfortable with the idea of rummaging around in her teammates -especially a male teammate- drawer. She opened it cautiously, and was relieved to find the bag of candy sitting on top of his socks instead of having to rummage for it. She was also thankful to discover that they were in pre-packaged, snack size bags. She took one pack out and handed it to the bouncing child.

"Want two, pease!"

"Nope, sorry buddy, one bag," Sam told him firmly.

The colonel looked up at Sam with pleading eyes. "Pitty pease?"

When O'Neill stuck out his lower lip, Sam knew she couldn't resist and caved. "Oh, all right, but just one more." He beamed happily up at her as she took another package out, opened it, and handed it over. Thinking she could get some work done while he ate his snack, she shoved her laptop into its case and slung it over her shoulder. Taking the colonel by the hand she guided him in the direction of the commissary.

By the time they reached the commissary, the boy had the first packet of candy gone and was attempting to open the second with his teeth.

"Uh, uh," Sam chided gently. "You eat your apple first then you can have the other pack."

The colonel looked up at her and seemed to be considering protesting, but with a heavy sigh and a roll of his eyes, he reconsidered and said, "Okay".

Sam suppressed a smile as they approached the food counter. The commissary was actually closed until five pm, but they always had fresh fruit and Jell-O out. She picked out a big, bright red apple and set it on her tray. Feeling a tug on her pant leg, she looked down and was surprised to see the colonel shake his head no.

"What's wrong, Jack? I thought you wanted an apple. Do you want an orange instead?"

"No. Want green apple," he replied. "Dey taste bettererest."

"Better, Jack. They taste better."

Arms crossed, O'Neill huffed, "Dat what I said!"

Chuckling at the serious look on his small face, Sam put the red apple back and grabbed a green one. She grabbed an orange for herself, a knife, and a few napkins for the two of them. They walked over to a table and she set her laptop down on it. The colonel climbed onto a chair and set his bag of Skittles on the table. She set the tray down and picked up the knife to cut his apple when he put his hand on hers.

"No. I no wan' it cut."

Sam hesitated for a moment then put the knife down. She put a napkin on the table then set the apple on it. "There you go, little man." The colonel was happily munching on his apple by the time she sat down. She peeled her orange and pulled the slices apart then pulled out her laptop and got to work.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A loud clattering noise caught Sam's attention and she jerked her head up. Glancing across the table she saw that Colonel O'Neill wasn't in his seat. His mostly eaten apple had been abandoned on the napkin. Looking around, she began to get nervous; he was not by the serving line. She shutdown her laptop then stood to get a better look around the room. He was still nowhere to be seen.

Sam turned at a loud, startled yelp that came from the kitchen. "Oh no," she muttered as she sent a silent prayer that the pint sized colonel was not the cause -but knowing he more than likely was- of that ear piercing scream, she took off for the kitchen.

What she saw should have surprised her, but it really didn't.

"Jack!" Sam raced over to the grinning boy. His face was covered with chocolate icing, chocolate crumbs covered his shirt, and the small plastic lizard and a snake Teal'c had brought him at the zoo were perched on his knee.

"What?" he asked innocently, looking up with round eyes and a chocolate smile. "I was playing wiff my snake and lizar' and Lizar' gotted hungry. He wanted some choc'lit cake, but dey don't have none on the counter."

Sam stood open-mouth for a minute as she tried to decide whether to laugh her ass off or strangle the kid. Deciding to take the middle road, she picked him up, catching the fake lizard and snake, and carried the boy and his toys out of the kitchen. As she passed the serving line, she grabbed a bottle of water and a handful of napkins then went back to the table. Setting him down in his seat, she opened the water and wet several napkins. Wiping icing from his hands, she asked, "And what about Snake? I suppose he wanted chocolate cake too?"

O'Neill looked up at her with the same 'are you nuts' look he used to give her as an adult. "'Course not, Sam, snakes don' eat choc'lit cake."

"Oh, right, silly me," Sam replied smiling. "What was I thinking?"

"Dey only like banilla!"

Speechless, Sam just smiled as she wiped the last of the icing from his hands and began cleaning it off of his face. Once done, she disposed of the garbage, watching the little escape artist like a hawk. Returning to the table quickly, she said, "Come on, kiddo."

"Where we goin' now?" he asked as he pocketed his snake and lizard. Pulling the second pack of Skittles from his other pocket, he handed them to Sam. "You open dis, pease?"

Sam opened the package and handed it back to him as she reached down to pick him up. He popped a few Skittles into his mouth as she explained, "We're going back to my lab. How would you like to learn about some of the stuff I use?"

Nodding his head enthusiastically, the colonel replied, "Yeah, dat be cool. Can I play wiff some of your toys dis time?"

"They aren't toys, Jack. I need my equipment to do my work. I'll show you how they work, but you can't play with them. Okay?"

For a minute she was sure he was going to argue. Instead, he asked, "Can I touch dem while you 'splain 'em?"

Smiling, she assured him, "If you listen to what I say, you can look through the microscope, but that's it."

"Okay," O'Neill agreed. "Put me down, pease," he asked as he put a green skittle, the last one, in his mouth. "I wanna walk."

Sam set him down and stuffed the offered empty candy wrapper into her pocket. Hand in hand, they walked to her lab.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The first ten minutes had gone great. The colonel had shown a genuine interest in the microscope and a few other items Sam had showed him. After that, he'd started losing interest. Fifteen minutes after she'd begun, Sam had struggled to keep him in his seat. Twenty minutes after they'd started, she'd given up entirely. By that time, he'd begun to demonstrate that he not only looked, talked, and acted like a three year old, but he also had the attention span of one.

After the fourth attempt at explaining the spectroscope, she had given up completely. Instead, she'd found the coloring book and crayons she let him use earlier and let him color again. He'd asked for the paints as well, but after the incident earlier, she'd decided against it. Once he was settled, she pulled out a report she'd started the day before, but hadn't finished.

"I firsty," the colonel declared just as Sam got started.

Standing, Sam grabbed the sippy cup she'd stashed in her desk and filled it with water. The colonel accepted it with a big smile and took a long drink before setting it down to color. Satisfied that he was okay now, she went back to her desk.

Half an hour later, she went to the colonel, who was still happily scribbling in his coloring book. "Jack." He looked up and Sam said, "I have to go to the bathroom. You be a good boy and don't touch _anything_. Understand?"

Jack smiled broadly -a response that should have set warnings bells off in her head- and nodded. "Yes, ma'am," he said sweetly.

Sam nearly panicked as she exited the bathroom and noticed the colonel wasn't in his chair. Glancing around frantically, she scanned the room. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him sitting on his knees on her desk chair, hunched over her desk. Then it clicked. He was at _her_ desk. Just what was he doing?

"Jack! NO!" Sam yelled as she approached her desk and saw what he was up too.

The colonel looked up, grinning. "Look, Sam! I maded you pretty pictures."

"On no," Sam sighed as the colonel held up the papers he'd colored all over for her approval. Not only had he colored all over the mineral survey report from SG-10's mission to P3S-119, but he'd decorated the folder as well. Thankfully, she'd backed up most of her work, but there were a few tests she'd have to run again. Luckily, the team had brought back plenty of samples and the general wasn't expecting the report for two more days.

Glancing at her watch, she felt relieved. It was sixteen thirty. Teal'c would be back in about thirty minutes. _Thank God!_

"Jack," she started firmly, trying not to yell at the boy. "Didn't I tell you not to touch anything?"

Dropping his crayons and the paper, Jack looked at her and frowned. "I runned out of papers and wan'ed to make you a picture. You gots lots of papers on you desk, so I borrowed some."

Hearing the uncertainty in his voice and seeing the sadness in his eyes, Sam softened her voice. Kneeling down to his level, she said, "I appreciate that you wanted to do that for me, Jack, but the papers you colored on were very important. Not only that, but there are a lot of things you could get hurt on in here. I need you to start listening better, understand?" The colonel nodded "yes" and she continued. "If you disobey me again, you will be going to time out, got it?"

"Yes, Ma'am," he whispered as he lowered his eyes, suddenly fascinated with Sam's shoes.

Sam smiled. It was very odd, but also very cute, to hear the colonel call her "ma'am".

O'Neill looked up, brown eyes open wide and pleading for forgiveness. "I sorry, Sam. I didn' mean to mess up you papers."

Arms extended, Sam replied, "I know, Jack. Come here."

Obediently, the colonel stepped forward then lunged himself into Sam's open arms. Wrapping his tiny arms around her neck, he squeezed hard. She returned the hug gently then set him down. Checking her watch, she saw that it was nearly seventeen hundred hours. Teal'c and SG-11's scheduled time to return. It was also almost dinnertime, so she decided to eat with the guys. Pocketing the boy's now empty sippy cup, she said, "Come on, let's go visit the general. It's almost time for Teal'c and Daniel to come back."

"Yippee!" the pint-sized colonel shouted as he grabbed Sam's hand. "I miss my T. Le's go!"

Smiling fondly, Sam allowed herself to be dragged out of the lab and up to the general's office -with a quick detour to Teal'c's quarters for a box of juice.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

For what seemed like the hundredth time in less than ten minutes, Sam grumbled under her breath as she carried one very disheartened and upset child down the hall. _Damn weather!_ A severe storm had come from nowhere trapping Teal'c, Daniel and the rest of SG-11 on the planet. They estimated, based on what little information they were able to glean from the locals that it would last well into the night. Possibly even until morning. So, that not only meant was she stuck watching the colonel for the rest of the evening, but it also meant she would be sleeping in Teal'c's quarters instead of going home to a nice bottle of ice cold beer and a _very_ long bubble bath as she'd planned. Very briefly, she'd considered going home anyway and taking the colonel with her, but quickly ruled that idea out. There was far too much stuff for him to get into and ruin or break, and there was no way she could possibly kid-proof her house on such short notice.

"I wan' my T," the colonel sobbed yet again.

"I know you do, little man," she told him as she rubbed his back, "but he can't come home right now. You'll see him tomorrow though." Noticing he didn't seem the least bit comforted by that, Sam added, "And this will give us more time to hang out. Plus, we get to have a sleep over! Won't that be fun?"

For the first time since she'd left the general's office, the colonel looked up at her. "Really? You gonna sleep with me?"

"Well, I'll be sleeping in Teal'c's bed, but, yes, I'll be sleeping in your room tonight."

That seemed to pacify the colonel enough to stop his crying. "Yeah. Dat could be fun," he answered as he rested his head back on her shoulder.

Sam sighed, but said nothing as he rubbed his runny nose on her shoulder. At least she was still in her BDU's and not her civvies. Let the base laundry handle the snot. "Are you hungry?"

Head still on her shoulder, O'Neill nodded vigorously.

Small as he was, he still got heavy after a while and she set him on his feet then took his small hand into her own and said, "I'm hungry too. Let's go get some grub."

"Ewwww! I don' wanna eat lille worms," he declared.

Suppressing the urge to laugh out loud, Sam chided playfully, "It's just an expression, Jack. I mean let's go get some dinner."

"I knew dat," the child replied, looking up at her as if to say, 'no d'uh!'.

Together they walked to the commissary in silence. When they arrived, Sam grabbed a tray and guided the colonel to the serving line. Seeing how busy it was, she made a mental note to keep a close eye on her pint-sized charge. "Do you want meatloaf or Salisbury steak?" she asked and laughed at the look on the O'Neill's small face.

"Dat not real steak, dat just yucky," he declared. "Meatloaf, pease, and Jell-O." Almost as an afterthought, he added, "_Green_ Jell-O."

There was something in his eyes and the inflection on the word green that told her that the colonel was up to something, but Sam simply couldn't put her finger what that might be. She nodded and placed the container of green Jell-O on the tray.

"Oooooh, grapes! I yove dose. Do dey have any grapes today? And a apple. Do dey have carrots?" the boy asked rapid-fire as he bounced up and down trying to see what was available. "I want carrots and broc'lees and corn. Dey are my favrits."

Laughing, Sam asked, "You sure you're going to be able to eat all this? That's an awful lot of food." She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen that many vegetables on the colonel's plate. It made her wonder if he ate them willingly as a child. The first time around that is. She was beginning to believe that most of his aversion to healthy foods was really just an act.

"I really hungry!" Jack exclaimed. "It's been loooong time since we eated lunch."

Shaking her head and smiling, Sam added his final requests to the tray. Even if he didn't eat it all, at least she knew he'd eaten a variety of healthy foods today. That would make Teal'c and Janet happy.

"What do you want to drink? Milk or juice?" The colonel bounced up and down beside Sam and, anticipating his answer, she added the juice to her tray.

"Apple juice! I love apple juice."

Sam quickly added her own choices to the tray then turned to O'Neill. "Stay close to me, Jack. It's pretty busy in here right now and I have to use both hands to hold our tray. Okay?"

"Okay. I stay close," the boy replied as he grabbed a handful of Sam's BDUs at the leg. As they approached the tables, he yanked on her pants. "Look! Dere's Doctor Janet! Can we eat wiff her?"

Seeing Janet smiling and waving them over, Sam replied, "Sure." As they approached her table, Sam set the tray down and watched as the colonel climbed into a chair next to Janet.

"Look!" he exclaimed as he pointed to his tray. "I got lots of fruits and veggibles!"

"Yes," Janet replied, a surprised smile on her face, "I see that."

"T tolded me dat if I lots and lots of fruits and veggibles, dat I grow up big and strong like him!" To emphasize his point, O'Neill stood on his chair and flexed his 'muscles'.

"That's right," Sam assured him as she reached and tugged him down. "Now, sit down before you fall and hurt yourself.

Complying without complaint, the colonel sat and reached for his drink.

"Eat some of your dinner first, Jack, then you can have some juice."

Pouting, he looked at Sam and said, "But I firsty."

Laughing, Sam told him, "You just drank a whole cup of water in my office _and_ a whole juice box on the way to the general's office."

"So," the petulant child replied, crossing his arms. "Dat was long times ago. I still firsty."

"Deciding on a little give and take, Sam said, "One sip, then eat some of your dinner."

"Okay," the colonel agreed as he picked up his cup with both hands, took a short drink, then plunked it down and dug into his meatloaf with gusto.

Sam and Janet smiled at each other as they watched the little boy eat.

First to break the silence, Janet looked at Sam. "It's not a good idea to let him eat all that fruit, Sam, especially when he's already had juice and he's drinking juice now. It could give him a bad case of the runs."

Shrugging, Sam replied, "He's three. How bad can it be?"

Janet gave Sam a knowing grin and said, "Keep letting him eat all that fruit and you'll find out."

The conversation soon turned to other things and the two friends laughed as Sam told Janet about the colonel's earlier escapades. When she told her about the kitchen incident, Janet snorted causing the mouth full of water she'd just taken to come out her nose. Sam laughed loudly and received a glare in return. Sam watched as Janet's eyes widened as she told her about all O'Neill had eaten that day.

Janet arched an eyebrow. "Wow. All that?"

"Yeah, he sure can pack away the food. Can't you, little man?" When the colonel didn't answer, Sam turned to see that he was gone. Again. He'd eaten almost all of his food leaving only a few pieces of corn and two carrots on his plate. The Jell-o, cup and all, was gone. His spoon lay abandoned on the table. _Crap!_

"Jack!" Sam called to the boy. "Help me find the little monster?" she asked as she turned to her friend.

Janet nodded in replied and stood. "You look by the serving line, and I'll look in the other direction."

Nodding in agreement, Sam set off to find her wayward charge. Hearing a commotion just a few feet to her right, she turned to see the colonel sitting at a table not far from her. Also at the table were Colonel Dixon and his team. She could only see Dixon's back, but his marine teammates, from what she could see, looked both amused and slightly appalled at something the little colonel seemed to be showing their CO. As she approached, Sam quickly found out why.

"Dixon, look, boogers!" Jack exclaimed as he dripped small chunks of green Jell-O onto the Marine Colonel's plate... right on his meatloaf.

Sam's hands flew to her mouth quickly to cover her snicker. To his credit, Dixon merely pushed his plate away with a resigned, mildly amused look. "Very funny, Jack," he remarked dryly.

Knowing she really shouldn't laugh and that she should correct her errant little commanding officer, she bit back a laugh and schooled her features.

O'Neill was laughing loudly, hands covering his mouth.

"Jack!" Sam called loudly. Then lowering her voice when she saw she had the boy's attention, she added, "That's enough! You know better than to play with your food," she scolded the colonel lightly. "Sorry, sir."

Janet came up beside Sam and took the offending Jell-O away from the colonel as Sam apologized to the rest of SG-13.

Dixon simply shrugged. Sam wondered what the little terror had been up to before she'd spotted him. She wasn't surprised by the marine's indifference about the incident. After all, he did have four kids, including three little boys, of his own.

"Come on, sir," Bosworth began as he grinned and pushed the offending plate back towards his commanding officer, "You know you love 'boogers' in your meatloaf." The man received a withering glare in response. Balinsky laughed loudly and received the same look. Wells, wisely, remained silent.

Sam guided the colonel back to their table. Not wanting to encourage the boy, she kept a straight face. "Sit," she ordered as she deposited him in his chair. "Don't move." Quickly, she and Janet cleared their table.

"I have to get back to the infirmary, Sam," Janet said as she returned from throwing the trash away. "I'll talk to you later." She ruffled the colonel's hair and said, "You behave yourself, young man."

"I have more cannies, pease?" the colonel asked.

"Huh?" Sam asked, not sure what the boy was asking for then realized he meant candy.

Waggling his eyebrows in a way that reminded her of the adult colonel, the boy replied, "Skilles. I wan' more Skilles, pease,"

"Sorry, little man, Teal'c said no candy after five o'clock and it is," she glanced at her watch, "nearly six now."

"Pitty pleeeeease?"

Dang that adorable little face! How could she possible say no to such a cute little boy? For the second time that day, Sam caved. "Alright," she told him, hoping she wouldn't regret this later, "you can have another pack, but just _one_."

"Yea!" the colonel cheered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Not even forty-five minutes later, Sam was ready to pull her hair out and strangle the adorable boy in front of her. In that short period of time he'd managed to cause more trouble than he normally did in a whole day as an adult. Needing to finish up an important experiment in her lab, she'd asked Doctor Lee -who'd been working in the botany lab that day- to baby-sit the colonel for about half an hour. He'd happily agreed and the two were animatedly discussing the "coolness" of a Venus Flytrap-like plant one of the other SG teams had brought back a few weeks ago. By the time she'd gone to pick him up about twenty minutes later, the botany lab was in complete chaos.

The plant the colonel and Doctor Lee had been going on and on about was laying on its side, dirt spilled everywhere, its pot shattered beyond repair. Several other plants and some of the equipment were in varying states of disarray. Papers were scattered around the room. Two scientists, who'd been there when Sam had left, stood in the center of the room looking shell-shocked. Doctor Lee was nowhere to be seen.

And neither was the colonel.

All the stammering scientists could say that was decipherable was a mantra of "never again". There was no doubt in Sam's mind what they meant by the comment. After a few minutes, she'd been able to calm them down enough to learn that Doctor Lee was in the infirmary. About five minutes after she'd left, Lee had been showing the colonel one of his experiments and had cut his hand and had to go have Janet clean it up. That left a very bored child with two men who had absolutely _no_ experience with children.

A true recipe for disaster if she ever heard one. And she still didn't know what the hell had happened in there.

She found her little escape artist in the briefing room with two very irritated looking SFs. The pair glared balefully at the child sitting in the general's chair, spinning around and around. The pleading looks on their faces were almost comical and Sam figured the less she knew the better. They picked up on her presence immediately, while the boy seemed blissfully unaware.

"With respect, ma'am," one of the sergeants began, "have you feed him nothing but sugar today? That kid has been bouncing off the walls!"

Ignoring the comment, Sam called to the child, "Jonathan O'Neill!" Keeping her voice level but firm, she added, "Come here this instance!"

"Sam! Dis fun," the colonel yelled as he gave the chair one more spin before stopping it. "Whoa!" he exclaimed, as he stood on wobbly legs. Regaining his balance quickly, the little boy shook his head and smiled.

The other sergeant stepped forward, catching Sam's attention, and reached into his pocket, withdrawing a yo-yo. Handing it to her, he pleaded, "Ma'am, please, _please_ don't let him have that back. I don't know exactly what he did to Corporal Hicks, but when I found him and the... uhhh... colonel, Hicks had his back to the wall and was rubbing his knee. I think the colonel was playing a game of some kind and Hicks was a "bad guy". He was apparently demonstrating "one of the fifty ways to kill a bad guy with a yo-yo". The corporal limped away when I relieved Colonel O'Neill of his yo-yo. He didn't look angry or anything, but he certainly wasn't pleased."

"Sorry if he was any trouble, guys. I'll take it from here."

The two relieved looking SFs nodded and replied, "Yes, ma'am," then beat a hasty retreat out of the room. Sam chuckled softly thinking that was probably the quickest retreat from a non-lethal situation she'd ever seen. Schooling her features, Sam turned intending to discipline the wild child, only to discover that she was alone. _How the hell does he do that? I wonder how much of the stealth abilities he had as an adult were from his Special Ops training and how much just came to him naturally?_

_Note to self,_ Sam chastised herself as she took off after the hyped up colonel, _listen to Teal'c about the candy next time and do not let yourself be suckered by a three year old again!_ The little con artist had pulled out the pouty face again and, _once again_, she'd fallen for it. The combination of natural sugar in his fruit and the artificial sugar in the candy had put the kid into sugar overload.

Following the trail of frazzled base personnel through the halls to her office, Sam opened the door with some trepidation. O'Neill was nowhere to be seen. "Jack, come here." No answer. "Jack, I know you're in here. Come out right now." Still, she was greeted with silence. "I'm not playing games young man. You come out here right now."

With a low, muffled giggle that Sam just barely heard, the colonel gave his position away. She made her way over to her desk and pulled away her chair. There, under the desk, was the little boy, his small hands over his mouth not completely covering his broad smile.

Sam tapped her foot, unamused.

"Out, now," she ordered.

Still smiling, the colonel did as he was told. "You finded me! Now you hide and I fin' you."

Arms crossed, Sam informed him, "Not a chance, little man. You are in big trouble." Noticing the smile disappear from his face to be replaced with a look of confusion, she clarified. "I asked you to be a good boy while I finished my experiment. I went to pick you up when I'd finished and the botany lab was a mess and you were gone. After that, I find you spinning around in the general's chair. When I told you to come to me, you shook your head no and snuck out of the room while my back was turned."

By the time Sam finished speaking, O'Neill had extracted himself from under her desk and was looking very much like he wanted to bolt again.

"I told you if you misbehaved again you'd be going to time out and I meant it." Picking the child up, she planted the wiggling child firmly in her chair. "Don't move," she barked, her tone leaving no room for argument.

Barely five seconds passed when Sam heard a small voice say, "I done." Looking over at the boy, she saw bright brown eyes looking up at her. "I done," he repeated.

"No way, buddy. You're done when I say you're done."

"I be good," Jack said, eyes pleading and lower lip fully extended.

"Yeah," she countered, hands on her hip, "that's what you said before. Keep your rear in that chair until _I_ tell you that you can get down. Understand?"

Glaring at Sam, the colonel crossed his arms and pouted, but said nothing more.

After a minute, he seemed to forget he was angry and began talking softly to himself in the way that young children often do, pretending his hands were jets that constantly crashed into each other. A few minutes later Sam decided he'd been punished long enough and called him to her.

"Come here, Jack," Sam called to him. "Do you understand why I had to punish you?" she asked the child as he approached her and allowed himself to be picked up.

"Yes," he muttered, refusing to meet her eyes. "I bad boy."

Sam could have sworn she heard a sniffle and used a finger to gently lift Jack's head, forcing him to look at her. There were tears beginning to brim in his eyes. Sighing, she spoke in a gentle, soothing tone. "You are not a bad boy, Jack, but what you did was wrong. Do you understand?"

Jack nodded, but said nothing. It was obvious to Sam that he didn't believe her. He muttered something she couldn't hear.

"What did you say? You have to speak up so I can hear you, Jack."

Barely louder than a whisper, Jack said, "Mama gots a boyfriend now. He said I a bad boy 'cause I assidenly dropped his favrit cup and broked it and I didn' see his new remote for da TV on the floor and stepped on it. I don' like him and my gramma don't like him eider. I woudn' call him Daddy and he said I was a bad boy for dat too." Taking a deep breath, Jack added, "I miss my Momma and my real Daddy, Sam."

"I know you do, baby," she whispered as she rubbed his back. "I know." After a moment, his sobs slowed. Hearing the hurt in the little boy's voice and seeing the dejection in his eyes made Sam's heart break. She realized she had just gotten a small glimpse into what likely had caused the colonel to be so emotionally closed off as an adult. It also made her wonder how much of it was the little boy's perception and how much had actually happened as he remembered it. She found it hard to believe anyone could be so mentally cruel to a little boy.

"You are not a bad boy, but you do need to listen. You could have hurt yourself running around the way you did. I'm disappointed in your behavior, Jack, and I'm angry that you have been misbehaving, but I still care about you very much. Okay? Do you understand?"

This time, Jack seemed to accept what she was saying. He nodded and wiped his eyes with his arm. "I sorry. I not run 'way from you no more."

"Good. Look, I need to straighten up in here." Sam looked around at the mess in her lab. "Can you sit here and draw quietly while I clean up?"

Nodding vigorously, Jack agreed. He climbed into the chair he'd been using earlier and picked up a crayon. "I draw pictures."

"You do that," Sam replied as she got to work. After just a few minutes, she felt a tug at her pants leg and looked down to find little Jack standing next to her.

"I help," the boy said. When Sam shook her head and opened her mouth to tell him it wasn't necessary, he added emphatically, "I make da mess. I help you cean it up."

Relenting, Sam said, "Okay. Let's get to work." In no time, the mess was clean and the pair made their way to Teal'c's room.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It hadn't taken long to gather what she needed for the night and get to Teal'c's room. Once there, she set up her laptop and placed it on the nightstand. Then she pulled out the schedule Teal'c had left for her and skimmed to the end.

2000 hours - nighttime ritual. This includes brushing his teeth and reading ONE bedtime story. He _will_ attempt to coax another story out of you as a delaying tactic. Do not fall for this ruse. It is very cute.

Teal'c had actually written 'cute'! It appeared even the stoic Jaffa had been snookered by the kid at some point.

So, she still had nearly two and a half hours before the little imp's bedtime. At least he'd burned off the excess sugar, even though he didn't look the least bit sleepy. "Why don't you sit on the floor and color while I finish up this report?" Sam asked.

"Color wiff me," Jack begged, hands clasped together and his lower lip protruding.

Tempting as it was, Sam knew she couldn't. The general was expecting her reports on the mineral samples from P3S-119 within the next couple of days. "I'd love to play with you, but I really, really need to get these reports done." Deciding to give laying a guilt trip on the boy a try, she added, "You don't want me to get in trouble do you?"

Shaking his head, Jack replied, "No! Will you play wiff me later?"

Checking her watch, Sam saw that it was a little past seven thirty. "Sorry, little man, it's getting late. I won't have time to play today." Seeing his face fall, she quickly added, "But if you promise to be good and let me get my work done, I'll take you outside to play tomorrow, okay?"

Agreeing, Jack said, "Deal." Then he went to a draw in the nightstand, pulled out his crayons and his dinosaurs coloring book, and made himself comfortable on the floor. Sam smiled as she watched him dump the crayons out of the box and spread them out, arranging them by color. That done, he flipped through the book twice before finally settling on a page. He picked up a purple crayon, seemed to debate his choice then put it down and picked up a blue one. Satisfied with his second choice, he began to color the T-Rex. Smiling, Sam watched for a few more seconds before returning to her work.

Several minutes later, a noise close to the bed startled her. Looking up, she saw Jack rummaging through the draw he'd taken his crayons and coloring book from. "What are you looking for?"

"I colorin' a picture for Genral George, but I can't find my lellow crayon."

"Why don't you use another color like red or green or brown?"

Stopping his search to glance up at Sam, Jack gave her a "what are you, nuts?" look then went back to his search. Head bent over the drawer, he said, "I colorin' da sun. I _have_ to have lellow for dat.

Looking at the page he'd been coloring and seeing that he'd colored the T-Rex blue and the grass orange, she though it was a bit odd that he was obsessing about the sun being the right color. In a child's mind, she realized, it made perfect sense.

"Yes!" Jack exclaimed as he found the object of his search and held the yellow crayon triumphantly above his head.

Chuckling, Sam shook her head as the boy scampered back over to his spot and busily began to scribble again. Smiling fondly, she got back to work.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Sam?" a small voice called out.

Sam looked up from her laptop. She was surprised to see the colonel standing a few feet from her looking on the verge of tears. His legs were spread wide apart and he waddled towards her looking very much like a duck.

"What's the matter, Jack?" Sam queried her young charge.

"I had a accident," came the whispered reply.

_An accident?_ Sam thought as she set her laptop aside then slid off of the bed and met him halfway across the room. _Oh._ Now that she had a better look at his pants, she realized exactly what the boy was talking about.

"I sorry," Jack said softly, sniffling as he stared at his shoes. "I tried to get to da potty, but it jus' comed out afore I could get to it."

Using a finger to gently lift his head, Sam saw the tears were now sliding down Jack's tiny cheeks, uninhibited. "Hey, now," she said softly as she cupped his face gently and used her thumbs to wipe away his tears, "none of that. It's okay, little man. Accidents happen."

Jack didn't look convinced. The tears started flowing faster and his chest started to heave. "I sorry," his voice seemed to catch as he repeated the apology. It was as if he hadn't heard her.

Keeping her tone soft and forcing the child to look at her, Sam continued, "It's okay. You tried. I know it was an accident, Jack. It's nothing to cry over. Okay? I'm not angry."

The boy stared at her silently for a moment then, using his arm, wiped his nose and nodding and said, "Okay."

Cringing and making a mental note to wash Jack's arm, she reached out and picked the child up under his arms, careful to hold him at arms length as she carried him to the bathroom. Crinkling her nose, she tried not to think about the awful smell or the mess that awaited her. Setting him down on his feet, she told him, "Don't move, I have to go get you a clean pull up and some wipes." Jack nodded and Sam was pleased to see that he made no move to follow her as she left the bathroom.

Moving quickly, Sam walked to the nightstand. Grabbing the needed supplies, including two of the small bags used for the bedside garbage can, she made her way back to the bathroom. Jack hadn't moved a muscle and was still standing, statue like, exactly where she'd left him. Tapping his left foot, she said, "We need to take your sneakers off." She removed the shoes and was relieved to see that they had managed to avoid getting messy.

Now came the fun part. "Okay, Jack," she began, "let's get these yucky pants off of you. I need you to stand very still while I pull them down, okay?"

Jack nodded in silent agreement.

Slowly, Sam pulled the boy's pants down taking care not to make a mess. The pull up came off next and was promptly dropped into the empty bag.

It took more wipes then she cared to count too clean most of the mess off the unusually quiet child. She glanced up at his face and was glad to see that the tears had stopped, though he stilled seemed upset. Reaching out, she gently placed a hand on his tear-streaked cheek. "It's okay, little man," she told him as she pulled out another wipe package and continued her task until Jack was finally clean. He seemed much calmer, but was still unusually quiet. It just wasn't like him to stay so still and silent for so long. Five minutes was usually his limit.

"I'll tell you what," Sam began, looking him in the eyes as she spoke, "why don't you take a bath and put your jammies on then we'll make some popcorn and watch a movie? How does that sound?

Without hesitation, Jack enthusiastically replied, "Yeah! I like dat idea." He paused then asked, "Can I pick it?"

"Sure, little man, you can pick the movie."

While Jack debated with himself over which movie to watch, Sam drew warm water for his bath. She let him play with the little toy boats he'd picked out on their trip to Wal-Mart for about ten minutes before she realized it was now a quarter after eight. "Come on, kiddo. If you want to have time to watch a movie, you'll have to get out now. She washed his hair quickly then lathered up a washcloth and washed his arms and backside. Jack held out a hand to stop her when she moved to wash his front.

"I big boy. I can do it," Jack insisted.

Sam relented and handed over the washcloth, then sat back and watched as he washed his belly, front, and legs before sitting down and washing his feet. He allowed her to rinse him off quickly then wrap a towel around him a lift him out of the tub. She tickled him as she dried him off then handed him his nighttime pull up. "Which pajamas do you want to wear?" she asked as she watched him sit on the floor and put his pull up on.

Jack seemed to ponder the choice as if it were the most important decision he'd ever make. As he stood, Sam grabbed the towel and dried his still dripping hair. Delighting in his muffled laughter, she quickly tickled him before going back to drying his hair.

"Stop dat," came the muffled, half-giggled demand, followed by, "I wan' my puppies."

Sam pulled the towel off the child's head, then stood and hung it on the rack. "Go get 'em," she told the boy and followed him as he skipped out of the bathroom.

Finding his pajamas quickly, Jack dressed himself just as fast. Sam laughed at the determined look on his face, tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth when he began pulling up the zipper and it got stuck by his knee. Jack struggled with the stubborn device for several minutes before finally looking up with frustration and declared, "It stuck!"

"I see that," Sam stated as she knelt in front of him. "Here, let me help you." He said nothing, but stayed still as she pulled the zipper up.

"Dank you!" Jack exclaimed then ran to pick out his movie. While the boy debated, Sam popped a bag of popcorn in the small microwave Teal'c kept in his room and pulled two root beer's from the mini-fridge. Then grabbed one of Jack's cups and poured a can of soda into it. No sooner did the bell ding indicating the popcorn was done then Jack came bounding over with his choice in hand.

"I wanna watch dis one!" he exclaimed as he held up the case.

Smiling as she looked at the DVD cover, Sam nodded. "Good choice," she told him. Go into bed and get comfy and I'll put it on in a minute."

"Me and T awways watch a movie togeder. Can I sit wiff you?" Jack looked up at Sam hopefully and added, "I not touch you 'puter."

Sam thought about saying no, but reconsidered. She felt guilty that, other than their shopping trip, she hadn't really spent any quality time with Jack today. Instead of turning him away, she asked, "Can you sit still?"

"Yes!" the boy replied excitedly.

Laughing, Sam poured the popcorn into a large bowl and set it on the nightstand before sitting on the bed. She got herself situated then patted the mattress beside her. "Come on, little man." Jack jumped up happily and Sam couldn't help but return his broad grin. She reached over and grabbed the popcorn off the nightstand and handed it to him. Then she hit play on the DVD remote, pulled her laptop onto her lap and got back to work.

Disney's 101 Dalmatians began as Jack snuggled up beside Sam. Sighing contently, he arranged his cup and bowl and began happily munching on his snack.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sam glanced over as the closing credits of the movie rolled up the screen. Jack was leaning against her, eyes closed and thumb in his mouth, and snoring softly. Much as she hated to move him, she really had to pee and he needed to be in his own bed. Guiding his head to the mattress, she maneuvered herself off the bed then stood and cleaned up quickly. Hearing a soft sigh, she looked down to see a pair of brown eyes looking back at her. _Crap!_ She'd been hoping to move him without waking him and prayed she wasn't in for a fight now.

"Come on, sweetie, time for bed," Sam whispered.

Jack said nothing, merely held his arms out to Sam.

Grateful he seemed willing to go quietly, Sam picked him up. He immediately laid his head on her should and popped his thumb back in his mouth. She took the few steps from Teal'c's bed to his and cradled his head carefully as she laid him down. Immediately, his free hand went to the collar of his pajamas and Sam smiled as he searched for his tag. Finding it, his eyes drifted shut again as Sam covered him with his blanket. Whispering goodnight as she leaned over him, she softly kissed his forehead. Just as she stood and turned to walk away, she heard his quiet request.

"Sing Bum Bums, pease."

Happy to comply, Sam knelt beside his bed and began to sing softly. Before she'd finished the second verse, Jack was sound asleep. She stood again and watched him sleep for a few minutes before returning to Teal'c's bed. Her work finally finished, she shutdown her laptop and set it on the nightstand then went into the bathroom.

Jack was still sound asleep when she exited the bathroom, now clad in her pajamas, and she watched him a moment longer. As she stood there, she reflected on the events of the day and found she wasn't as anxious for Teal'c to return as she had been just a few hours ago. When she'd brought him into her lab after dinner, she'd started out trying to teach the colonel a few things about science, and she was sure she had. Over the course of the day, _Jack_ taught her a few things as well.

1) It is never, _ever_, a good idea to allow a three year-old in a lab of ANY type without strict supervision. Same goes for the commissary.  
2) Amusing as it is, it's also NOT a good idea to allow de-aged Air Force colonels to terrorize the marines. Or her fellow scientists for that matter.  
3) To a three-year-old boy, green Jell-O makes great boogers.  
4) Few people find Jell-O boogers amusing... Especially when they are dropped into their food.  
5) It is not a good idea to allow a three-year-old to play with ancient artifacts, no matter how much they resemble toys.  
6) Never, not even for a few seconds, should you ever turn your back on a three-year-old boy. For any reason. No matter where you are. Especially when said boy is a pint sized Colonel Jack O'Neill.  
7) Never give a three-year-old candy, not even a tiny bit, after five pm. No matter how much he pleads.  
8) When a three year old says, "I had an accident," never assume he meant he crashed his cars. Instead, check his pants and have a fresh pull up, _several_ wipes, a small bag and a gas mask handy.  
9) Pertaining to number eight, NEVER let a child that small eat that much fruit and drink a lot of juice in one day! Yuck!  
10) While a yoyo may seem like a harmless toy in the hands of any other child, in the hands of a miniaturized former Special Ops colonel, it is a very _very_ dangerous weapon!  
11) Little boys, while complete monsters, can be very, very loving and adorable.  
12) In about a week, her 'little man' was going to be a man -her CO- again and as much as she missed her leader and friend, she was really, _really_ going to miss little Jack.

Yeah, she was definitely going to miss Jack when he was back to his old self in a few days.

Startled, Sam realized that, at some time in the past couple of hours, she had stopped thinking of him as 'the colonel' and had started thinking of him as Jack. She'd begun to think of him as a three year old little boy and not just as the colonel in a child's body. Fighting back tears, Sam gave the sleeping child a kiss on the forehead, and whispered, "Good night, my little man. Sweet dreams."

Despite the trouble he'd given her, she would gladly baby-sit Jack again. He was a very sweet, loving boy with an infectious laugh and a wonderful imagination.

All in all, it had been a pretty good day.

_THE END_

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	5. Once Upon a Winter

**Once Upon a Winter's Day  
By Mickey**

Status: Completed 11/16/2008

Word Count: 879

Author's Notes: Never, _ever_ thought I'd write a fic about any member of SG-1 being downsized, but this is what came to mind with this challenge. Many thanks to Lisa for the beta and title. Written for the stargatedrabbles list's Oct 29th four word challenge. The words were: Balloon, Winter, Purple and Pencil. Bonus word - Soprano.

* * *

"No. I'm sorry, Jack. We cannot have a water balloon right now and that's final." Daniel groaned softly, trying to reason with a downsized Jack was almost as difficult as dealing with him when he had been normal sized. Trying to deal with a min-Jack with absolutely no memory of who he used to be, but still with all of those amazing "skills" intact, was proving to be an exercise in futility.

"Why not?"

Jack pouted, arms crossed. He was wearing a look that once would have people scrambling for cover. Not now. Now, on the three year-old version, it just looked comical and Daniel had to hide a smile behind his hand. They'd been going around in circles for fifteen minutes and Daniel knew they were getting nowhere fast. Jack was every bit as stubborn as before.

Getting down to the toddler's level, Daniel said, "Because it's _winter_!"

This time, Jack stamped his foot, connecting with Daniel's toes.

"So! Wanna play 'nades wiff water bawoons outside!"

Daniel was sure; almost sure (with Jack you just never knew), the foot stomp was accidental and so he let it slide. Really, he was just grateful it wasn't a kick. Having been on the receiving end of one of little Jack's kicks, Daniel knew it was strong enough to have a guy singing soprano if it connected in just the right spot.

He decided to put common sense and reason aside and try distraction. "Why don't we go inside and make Christmas cards for Sam and Teal'c instead?" He silently hoped Jack would agree. *Please, please, please, let him agree to this.* Christmas was still over two weeks away and Jack would be back to himself by then, but if coloring kept the pint-sized colonel busy for a while, it was a plan. Daniel had learned through trial and error that TV never kept the little boy busy for more than fifteen minutes at a stretch. The only way to keep Jack busy longer was to give him a project that kept him physically or mentally active, or both. Considering the fact that it was only five degrees out, anything that could be done indoors was a great idea.

After a few moments, Jack relented. "Can I haf hot choclet?"

"Sure." Daniel breathed a sigh of relief.

"Wiff marsh-a-llows?"

"Anything you want, buddy." Daniel immediately regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Seeing the evil glint his diminutive friend's eyes he quickly amended it to, "You can have anything you want in your hot chocolate." Trail and error!

Daniel stood and waggling his fingers, felt a cold little hand slip into his. The pair walked into Jack's house together. As Daniel put the kettle on to boil, Jack climbed into a chair at the kitchen table. Concern crossed his little face.

"Hurry up, Dan'el. Sam and T will be here soon."

"Got'cha!" Daniel smiled at the memory of a recently downsized Jack trying to pronounce Teal'c's name. After about thirty minutes of trying to get him to say it right, Teal'c had finally given up and when Jack had asked if he could just call him "T", he'd nodded agreeably. "Indeed."

In actuality, it would be several hours before any relief arrived. Daniel merely smiled and went to a small stand in the living room. Once Janet had decided to adopt Cassie, Jack had purchased some coloring books, crayons, colored paper and other assorted craft stuff for her to do when visiting. Daniel grabbed small plastic box, a pair of kids safety scissors, bottle of glue and a pack of construction paper. Strolling back into the kitchen, he winked and set them in front of a very impatient Jack. "Here you go!"

"Fin-a-wee!" Jack bounced in impatience as Daniel set the supplies out in front of him. Without another word, Jack set about his work, tiny tongue peeking thorough his lips. The kettle whistled its high-pitched song and after making Jack his hot chocolate with mini marshmallows, Daniel smiled as he made himself a cup of coffee.

Daniel set Jack's cup close enough that he could reach it, but far enough away that he'd be unlikely to spill it. Knowing he'd have to watch his little friend like a hawk, Daniel sat across from him, within arms reach. He leaned back and smiled as he watched. The toddler ignored him, working away feverishly. Snorting softly, Daniel laughed as Jack picked out a purple colored pencil and drew what he could only assume was a Christmas tree on the front of his haphazardly folded piece of red paper.

A small part of him was saddened by the fact that the effects of the "incident" that caused Jack to be downsized would only last another four to five days. Sure, he missed the old snarky Jack and wanted him back. He sighed, he missed going through the 'gate as well. This pint-sized version of Jack was nearly as adept at getting himself into trouble as the adult version had been and the toddler seemed to be every but as sarcastic and cranky. But only sometimes. The fact was, he would miss this adorable little brown eyed bundle of energy that, had the effects been permanent, would have been his son.

_THE END_


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